This evening, following dinner, I’ve been sitting watching tv but unusually I wasn’t working on anything. If my hands are idle they have to do something so they scratch and pick at my skin. Another thing I do is to fold my arms with my hands tucked under. Sounds normal enough but what I do is to press my arms tight down on my hands and I’ll maintain that pressure. It’s the same when I’m traveling as a passenger in the car; my hands sit just above and between my knees and I’ll apply constant pressure for miles. As far as I know I’ve always done this. It got me thinking about my early years.
Mum told me that I had a very worrying habit when I was a toddler. I would sit under the table and repeatedly and consistently bash the back of my head against the wall. It worried her so much that she took me to the Dr who in turn sent me for x-rays. Nothing untoward was found.
Another time I disappeared and Mum found me under the caravan eating the tea leaves she always chucked under there…maggots and all. It frightened her so much she washed my mouth out with some kind of disinfectant solution.
My poor mum!
My earliest memory is from when I was two years old. We were staying at my grandparents. I was in the bath having my hair washed and I was screaming my head off. My grandmother came in to offer me a coin, one off those old large pennies, if only I would be a good girl and be quiet. It had no effect. I carried on screaming. My grandfather was a baker and they lived over the shop. My grandmother was probably concerned because my screams could be heard downstairs. You can just imagine them trying to reassure customers that I wasn’t being murdered!
Mum says over the years she tried every possible different way she could think of when it was hair washing time. Nothing worked, I always screamed the house down. I can remember when I was five lying on my back along the kitchen counter top with my head tilted back in the sink, holding a face cloth over my eyes. I was crying.
I don’t remember why I hated it so much. I was never able to explain to mum so she cannot enlighten me. I still can’t explain myself. Something’s been wrong today but I can’t explain it. Maybe next week. Next year.
I think I was about six or seven when I stopped crying when having my hair washed. I still didn’t like it though.
I presume these were autistic traits rather than me just being a temperamental child.
I’m not sure if it’s due to an inflated ego or whatever but I am going to tell you… or tell me for when I look back on this sometime in the future…
Today I reached the milestone of 100 followers!! The achievement seems even greater to me because I didn’t know one single follower beforehand. My family and friends know I blog but apart from the occasional post they do not read my blog.
I started this blog early last month at the suggestion of Lovely Husband as a way of getting my thoughts and ideas expressed. I never expected more than twenty followers by this time today!
So thank you lovely followers, you have really made me happy and rather excited 😁 But more than that, you have offered me friendship and community, most especially among autistic bloggers. God bless you all xxx
Hi, it’s me again already!
In my previous blog over on Blogger where I wasn’t really being me (it was more like an enforced happy mask) I would get very anxious trying to leave a comment after every post I read. Sometimes it could take up to half an hour to write one or two sentences. In the end I became so disheartened it was easier to give up blogging altogether.
When back in August I returned to my blog, I decided to start afresh over here on WordPress. I made a rule for myself: if i cannot think of something to say immediately after reading a post, I don’t say anything. Sometimes I really want to let the person know I care so I leave a heart if words fail me. Other times I might leave a smiley face or a couple of xx If I’ve enjoyed and/or been moved by a piece of writing I always click on ‘like’ (even though the word itself often falls short!).
I think this difficulty, where words fail me, is linked to my autism. Maybe it has something to do with executive functioning….?
Please, if you follow me, never agonize over leaving a comment.
In currently following 336 sites! I sure that number will increase. I just can’t help myself, there are so many interesting people out there. I am interested to know how many blogs my followers follow and what they think is a healthy number before it all gets too much. By too much I think I mean when you feel overwhelmed. I guess that is individual preference. Forgive me, this is more a stream of consciousness than a well thought out post. Actually, that seems to be how I write most posts.
Susie’s blog party is a great idea. It’s been done before but it’s the first time I’ve heard of or experienced one. I do regular searches through WordPress reader but the party feels quite different as it feels like socialising without the all the usual sensory upheaval. It’s certainly keeping me entertained 😃
Returning to the following of blogs… There have been a few that I’ve unfollowed for one reason or another. As an autistic person I find some blogs very uncomfortable to look at, and some that that lower my mood too far. I have to protect myself. Yesterday I read a wonderful post and wanted to share with you. I hesitated over it but unsure why. When I revisited I realised there were flickering images. The first time I was too involved in the content to worry about it but once I noticed I realised I didn’t want to inflict that on to my followers or myself.
Thank you and welcome to my eight new followers that have popped over from the party. I hope you enjoy your visits here 🙂
I’d like to thank all my followers for the sense of community I feel. Good bless you all xx