Is this contempt of art I’m experiencing actually artists’ block?

Thank you to the kind commenters of my last post and to the ‘likes’ the post has attracted. I feel less alone in this isolation I have myself created. Yes, I probably will start drawing again. I guess at the moment there is no valid reason to put pencil to paper. I know you don’t have to have a reason. At the moment it feels like there is no point to drawing if there isn’t to be an audience to view it. I don’t think I can handle exhibiting anymore unless a gallery were to take me on. That’s not likely to happen because I don’t promote myself! The phrase ‘own worst enemy’ comes to mind.

I will post more artwork on here from time to time if you, dear followers, will be my audience.

 

The arty side of the spectrum

I don’t know how to refer to my art practice (and is that practice or practise? I never know), sometimes I love it, I’m in awe of it and other times (like now) it confuses me so much I can’t bear thinking about it or about other’s artwork. I don’t want to feel like this. I’m sure it has something to do with executive dysfunction but I don’t know what… yet.

I haven’t made any work since early this year. I created a few drawings that I haven’t documented yet. I will photograph them and put them in another post. Perhaps.

I have made a lovely friend here in blog land and she is encouraging me to write this post about my work. Thank you friend 🙂

I’m hoping that in someway that writing this and putting pictures of my work up will help me move on. But move on from what? It’s such a tangled mess in my head. I haven’t exhibited my work since early 2013. Midway through that same year I got my autism diagnosis and I had a nervous breakdown, (they don’t call it that anymore).

The first batch are previous to 2013. The drawings are all completed with graphite (pencil). I do not like  using charcoal, I find the sensation of it going across paper very unpleasant. The paintings are oil.

Elder and the Tor. 50 x 40 cm

Lasgarn Wood

Mynydd Garn Clochdy. 114 x 88.5 cm

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lasgarn x 0025

Two Pears Reflect

Walking Mynydd Garn Clochdy. 78 x 17 cm

Glastonbury Tor

Early Morning. 40 cm sq

Morning Haze. 18.5 x 17 cm

The following are what a nervous breakdown feels like…

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Each work has a title but I don’t feel that’s relevant at the moment.

Thanks for dropping by xx

A little outing

Lovely husband and I drove over the moor to Watersmeet this morning. The heather is mostly a haze of browns now. Even the browns are beautiful though. Occasionally I spotted a patch of purple pink.

Bertie is too old to walk up from Lynmouth as we use to do so we park just above Watersmeet.

I dived straight into my Earl Grey tea and fruit scone so no image to whet your appetite! This is the view up to the house from where we were sitting…

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You can just see the top of one of the wooden bridges, middle extreme right. The rivers run very close by. You can imagine the wonderful noise 😃

Looking downstream…

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Looking upstream of one of the rivers…

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Please excuse my finger. It was difficult to hold my tablet up with one hand plus I couldn’t see the screen.

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Here you can see the two bridges. The rivers converge just to the left…

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Watersmeet belongs to the National Trust. There is a cafe, gift shop, toilets (including disabled which is by the doorway into the ladies loo). The hand dryers are very loud in both the men and women’s loos so I advise using the disabled loo if you have hyperacusis and/or  an auditory sensory processing disorder. There are one or two disabled parking spaces beside the house but these need to be prebooked. Parking at the top car park is not National Trust so you do need to pay and display.

More info here

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I hope you have enjoyed visiting 😃 Thanks for dropping by xx

Females with autism show greater difficulty with day-to-day tasks than male counterparts: Largest study to date of executive function in females with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) reveals unique challenges in diagnosis and intervention — ScienceDaily

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/07/170714164906.htm

Thinking about Executive Functioning

It’s really odd that I’m only just started to think about executive function and how it does/does not impact on my life. Strange I know but I believe it’s because I’ve been so focused on sensory perceptual issues.

So I’ve been sitting spinning and as the wheel turns my mind whirs away too. To be honest my thinking hasn’t got me very far…not yet.

As a much younger person I was told I was very slow,  lazy, and that I never think. I remember clearly being told that my friend was a pleasure to teach as she only had to be shown once.  These words were so hurtful as I tried very hard and practiced diligently. The guide motto of ‘Be Prepared’ often came to mind. I would practice doing tasks or an activity to try and be quick and efficient as possible. Sometimes this was fun other times it just caused greater anxiety.

There’s lots to think about and ponder upon. I don’t want to hang on to all this stuff. I want to sort it out, see how it relates to me now, and then let it go.

So back to spinning… I start spinning or weaving or whatever and I just keep on going. I cannot stop easily to go and attend other tasks.

In my last post I showed you this fibre called Higglety Pigglety…

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Here it is as a single ply on the bobbin…

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And finally wound into hanks…

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The two hundred grams of merino/bamboo fibre after plying has made approximately 760 metres.

Now I shall go and reread all the stuff on executive function/dysfunction…again. Often I have to read a text many times before it starts to seep into my brain… and it has nothing to do with lack of intelligence.

Please leave a comment if you can recommend a helpful book. Thanks.

Bye for now xx

Tenth of Asperger’s Ten Traits – Functioning nearly executes us…

»THEORETICAL PHILOSOPHY«

Exec Func 2“10) We have difficulty with executive functioning. The way we process the world is different. Tasks that others take for granted, can cause us extreme hardship. Learning to drive a car, to tuck in the sheets of a bed, to even round the corner of a hallway, can be troublesome. Our spatial awareness and depth-awareness seems off. Some will never drive on a freeway, never parallel park, and/or never drive. Others will panic following directions while driving. New places offer their own set of challenges. Elevators, turning on and off faucets, unlocking doors, finding our car in a parking lot, (even our keys in our purse), and managing computers, electronic devices, or anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse in us a sense of panic. While we might be grand organizers, as organizing brings us a sense of comfort, the thought of repairing, fixing…

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A colourful diversion

I had an appointment with my G.P. this morning that I have been rather anxious about. I knew there was no need to be but hey ho. Oh, I did mention the brain zapping. Hmm… I think she thinks I’m crazy (having never heard of it before). Hey ho times twice.

The diversion… The arrival of this feast of colour put a smile back on my face. It’s the first time I’ve ever bought fibre online and I’m so impressed. Thanks World of Wool.

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The photo doesn’t do the colours justice. The yellow isn’t fluorescent! Here are three close ups…

Such yummyness! Such excitement! Top left ‘Aquarius’, top right ‘Duckle Daisy’ and bottom is ‘Higglety Pigglety’. Love those names. There’s a roll of Corriedale Pumpkin up in the top image and the rest of the fibre is 500 grams of Botany Lap Waste. This is a surprise as you don’t know what will be in this bag of luscious broken tops.

Just to be clear, World of Wool aren’t paying me to write this. I’m really happy with my order and I want to give this family run business a thumbs up. How I would love to visit their shop up in Yorkshire!

Higglety Pigglety is now twisting its merry way on to my spinning wheel.

A happier and colour full day after all  😃

List of autism related books

Below I list autism spectrum disorder and related books that I’ve read thus far. I shall * the books I’ve found helpful to me as a woman diagnosed in my fifties. There are many more books yet to be read! There are some books not listed because they have been returned to their owner and I haven’t made a note of them.

This list is in no particular order.

I hope this list may be helpful to others.

*The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome Tony Attwood (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2008). [Known hereafter as JKP.]

Living Sensationally: Understanding Your Senses Winnie Dunn (JKP, 2008).

* Life Behind Glass: A Personal Account of Autism Spectrum Disorder  Wendy Lawson (JKP, 1998).

A Positive Approach to Autism  Stella Waterhouse, Foreword by Donna Williams (JKP, 2000).

* Sensory Issues for Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder Diarmuid Heffernan (JKP, 2016).

*Visual CBT: Using Pictures to Help You Apply Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to Change Your Life Avy Joseph & Maggie Chapman (Capstone Publishing, 2013).

Through the Eyes of Aliens Jasmine Lee O’Neill (JKP, 1999).

*Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Asperger Syndrome: Different Sensory Experiences Different Perceptual Worlds Olga Bogdashina (JKP, 2003).

* Communication Issues in Autism and Asperger Syndrome: Do We Speak the Same Language? Olga Bogdashina (JKP, 2005).

The Autistic Spectrum: A Guide for Parents and Professionals Lorna Wing (Constable, 1996).

*Safety Skills for Asperger Women: How to Save a Perfectly Good Female Life Liane Holliday Willey (JKP, 2012).

Autism and Asperger Syndrome Ed. Uta Frith (Cambridge University Press, 1991).

Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety Disorder: A Guide to Successful Stress Management  Nick Dubin (JKP, 2009).

A Guide to Asperger Syndrome Christopher Gillberg (Cambridge University Press, 2003).

From Anxiety to Meltdown Deborah Lipsky (JKP, 2011).

* Solutions for Adults with Asperger Syndrome Juanita P. Lovett (Fair Winds Press, 2005).

Drawing Autism  Jill Mullin (Mark Batty, 2009).

*Thinking In Pictures Temple Grand In (Bloomsbury, 2006).

*Been There. Done That. Try This! An Aspie’s Guide to Life on Earth Ed’s. Tony Attwood, Craig R. Evans & Anita Lesko (JKP, 2014).

The Obsessive Joy of Autism Julia Bascom, Artwork: Elou Carroll (JKP, 2015).

Making Church Accessible to All: Including Disabled People in Church Life Tony Phelps-Jones & others (The Bible Reading Fellowship, 2013).

Mindful Living with Asperger’s Syndrome Chris Mitchell (JKP, 2014).

Autism and the Edges of the Known World: Sensitivities, Language and Constructed Reality Olga Bogdashina (JKP, 2010).

Autism and Spirituality: Psyche, Self and Spirit in People on the Autism Spectrum Olga Bogdashina (JKP, 2013).

* The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) Maxine Aston (JKP, 2014).

About Face Jonathon Cole (MIT Press, 1998).

*A Real Person: Life on the Outside Gunilla Garland, Trans. Joan Tate (Souvenir Press, 2003).

*Nobody Nowhere: An Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic Donna Williams (Times Books, 1992).

*Somebody Somewhere Donna Williams (Doubleday, 1994).

*Like Color to the Blind: Soul Searching & Soul Finding Donna Williams (Times Books, 1996).

*Autism and  Sensing: The Unlost Instinct  Donna Williams (JKP, 1998).

* Autism: An Inside Out Approach  Donna Williams (JKP, 1999).

* The Jumbled Jigsaw: An Insider’s Approach to the Treatment of Autistic Spectrum ‘Fruit Salads’  Donna Williams (JKP, 2006).

* Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger’s Syndrome Liane Holliday Willey (JKP, 1999).

Brain zaps… ouch!

I’ve been getting electric shock sensations in my brain accompanied by an awful electrical sound. It lasts less than a second but can be so shocking that I feel the jolt all the way to my feet like when you are suddenly frightened. I’ve been looking online and it is documented. Different sites proffer differing causes. This one suggests it is a withdrawal symptom from a psychiatric medication. I was taking Fluoxetine for two and a half years. I weaned slowly off of it by March/April 2016. That was nigh on eighteen months ago. The zapping has been happening for about eight weeks. The thing is I’ve also noticed, in this eight week time frame, that my thought processes, the intellectualising of stuff, has improved too. That’s good. Very good! What’s bad is that depression is returning, within same said timeframe. It’s steadily, incrementally, getting worse.

And I’m just at this moment linking it all together. Is the medication still in my system? Five years on and my brain is still in recovery. How awesome.

Depression. Oh dear! What do I do now?

Postscript: I found this on Fluoxetine and how long it takes the body to eliminate it.