Rejection Sensitive What??

Wow, it has a name!

So Much Stranger, So Much Darker, So Much Madder, So Much Better

As I drive home from work, the wind beats comforting patterns across my shaved head and I sing boldly along to the music pouring out of the speaker. I admire the beauty of the landscape and think of how lucky I am to live in such a beautiful place. My heart beats in anticipation of the moment I will see my love.

I open the door to the home we share and take a few steps into the living room where he lays upon the couch playing a video game. I say nothing and neither does he. He is sucked into the world of Zelda.

As a chandelier falls and shatters, so does my once good mood. I am crushed, devastated, broken. My soul tears and bleeds. Thoughts race so quickly I can barely register them.

Of course he doesn’t love you. See? He never did. You’re just an annoyance…

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Author: yarnandpencil

I'm a Christian on the autistic spectrum blogging about life and my art/craft practice.

28 thoughts on “Rejection Sensitive What??”

    1. Yes, very πŸ™‚ I need to read it again. I’ve always been very embarrassed by what I considered totally irrational behaviour. Thought myself a very jealous person at times but that has never sat well with who I thought I was. It’s not as pronounced as it used to be. LH has been a big help with all sorts of things whereas previously many people made things worse.
      Fancy coming across it twice πŸ™‚

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          1. I need to reread it too and make some notes. I must admit I only really manage to repress it by avoiding other people so they (hopefully) don’t see it and hiding myself away – but then I really get what you mean, I find the resentment setting in too. Its always been an aspect of myself I’ve felt really ashamed of and wish would go away.
            Sorry, I’ve been a bit rubbish at explaining myself the last few days! xxx

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            1. I get what you mean πŸ™‚
              Hiding away is great but then I get upset when people don’t reach out in any way! I’m coming to the conclusion that most of my friendships are fair weather friendships where they are only interested when I’m doing really well and can entertain them with my quirkiness.

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              1. Oh my word yes, I know what you mean about getting upset when others don’t reach out. I’ve also known what I think of as “foul weather friends” who are there for you when something goes wrong, but then after a few weeks seem to think you should be over it by now and are suddenly nowhere to be seen. Or when you haven’t been able to take their advice, then seem to get offended and think you only have yourself to blame..

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                1. Friendships are frought (is that how you spell it…mind gone blank) aren’t they? I give so much of myself flying for the same in return. Somebody once said to me that they could see how hard I worked at them which I thought was perceptive and kind.

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        1. I hope that didn’t come across as too flippant by the way – there was loads I wanted to say in agreement but I wasn’t very good at finding my words that day, and I ended up just putting this – but I read it back the next day and worried it sounded too blunt and throwaway! If it did I’m really sorry xx

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          1. I certainly didn’t think it flippant at the time. Just searched back and no…nothing flippant about it at all. I really understand your anxiety about it though as this particular anxiety use to exhaust me. Still bothers me but not quite so much. Sending you lots of love dear friend xxxxoooo

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            1. Phew! Thank you, it kept going over in my mind and worrying me and I really didn’t want to offend you in anyway, so I thought I’d better go back and try and make my point more clearly. I really value your friendship and didn’t want to spoil things! xx

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            1. It’s a pain isn’t it? Sometimes you want to keep on top of things and respond in a timely manner, but the words just aren’t there at the time. Or it takes a lot longer to write something, edit and edit it again until it says what you actually want it to mean!

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              1. Yes, and I find if I really labour over something like a comment it sounds stilted and lost its spontaneity. I decided a while back that I’ll only write a comment if one immediately comes to mind, if it doesn’t and I really want to leave something I’ll leave an emoticon instead.

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        1. Thank you, you’re welcome πŸ™‚
          Apologies for the time it took from writing your previous comment until it got approved… for some reason wordpress sent your comment to spam! Luckily I discovered it. Thank you πŸ™‚

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