“Er, excuse me?…” Asking for help


One thing I say every time I give a presentation on mental health and autism  is how important it is to be able to ask for help when you need it. It is such an important part of maintaining health and wellbeing but is often an incredibly difficult thing for many us to do.

I have spent most of my life as a stoic – not even thinking that asking for help was an option, even when I was in dire circumstances. I didn’t give it much thought, I simply didn’t put my hand up for assistance from friends or family or health professionals or others whose job it is to take care of people. Sadly, while some of this was due to my base level of stoicism, I also had a number of experiences where health professionals had not exercised their duty of care to me. This would put…

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Author: yarnandpencil

I'm a Christian on the autistic spectrum blogging about life and my art/craft practice.

17 thoughts on ““Er, excuse me?…” Asking for help”

  1. Hey Sunshine gurl…
    I have the same problem asking for help… I feel like I should be able to do things on my own and it’s hard for many to ask…but I have learned to ask over time and thank God for my guy and dad…I am blessed to have them… Every bit helps…
    Trying to stay warm and dry here in Texas been raining all day…no fun at all due to pain and the rain does not help at all…
    How have you been sunshine???…
    Hugggs n ♥♥♥

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hello lovely 🙂
      I’m doing fine thanks as long as I live a quiet life 😆
      It’s been trying to snow here but hasn’t succeeded. Poor you, not so fun trying to be cheerful when in pain and the weather insists on raining 🌧
      For me, asking for help meant that I was less than but I am getting wiser with age.
      Sending love and hugs to you too 🌹🌻🌼❤🐤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. good to hear from you gurl… oh snow!!!… love snow we get it here too but so far not this winter… aww imma hanging in there thank you
        yes ask for help gurl… lol we do get wiser with age for sure lol…

        Liked by 1 person

  2. For me asking for help is a torture. Usually even when it’s someone else asking if I need help, I will automatically deny and pretend that everything is great. Just yesterday I had a situation like that, when I was carrying my cat to the vet and I got lost because I left the bus at the wrong stop. Someone actually offered help and I stupidly rejected it, and then couldn’t even understand why I did it. Ugh, sometimes I think I’m my own worst enemy…

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I think at least in part it is… for me it’s also fear that accepting help = loss of independence. And maybe it just feels embarassing? Which doesn’t make much sense but it’s not easy to defeat…

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you. Yes, there’s that and also for me, a fear off having to reciprocate in some way to show thanks. That was a deep rooted fear when I was younger that I now understand to be part of being autistic.
          It can be embarrassing if the helper is patronising…

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I also think that I’m generally scared to show negative emotions… like fear or loss, or anger. That’s a result of my upbringing. So maybe showing the need for help equals to showing loss, fear, something “negative” too? Ugh it’s complicated, isn’t it? 🤔

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Yes it’s very complicated and the way we were brought up had a lot to do with it. (I mostly don’t blame my parents though as they were struggling in their own way.) I suppose it all equates to feeling ‘less than’, and asking for help advertises that.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Oh, I don’t blame mine either- they made mistakes but who doesn’t? But it’s good to see where our behaviours and reactions stem from. SOMETIMES it can help deal with them ☺

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Sorry Kat, I probably worded that wrong. I wrote that as I seem to mention my parents a lot in commenting here and there so it was more about me alluding to my parents again and not about your comment ❤💛💜

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. Don’t worry, I understood and just wanted to express the same thing – because in my therapy and sometimes maybe in what I write about my issues my parents can be mentioned a lot – so I also just wanted to be clear that I don’t really “blame” them, even if I can see where they went wrong with raising me and my brother. Compared to their own upbringing in particular, I think they did so much better 🙂 I understood what you wrote in the same way, too!

                    Liked by 1 person

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