Autistic peri-menopause and menopause needs to be addressed. We need to share experience to help autistic women reaching this stage in their lives. I would have loved some support. My biggest struggle has been with my mental health.
Hi lovely readers and followers,
Just dropping in to say I’m struggling to read your posts at the moment. I only ever click on ‘like’ if I’ve actually read a post, so you’ll know if I’ve dropped by 🙂
Sending you love and blessings,
The church bells are ringing. Bertie and I are cosy on this very dull winter’s day. The lovely smell of a chicken and apricot casserole permeates the cottage.
The decorations came down today. They went up early due to a visit from the grandchildren very early in December. Kind of sad to take them down but some normalcy is needed. The loom is now back in its normal spot rather than hiding behind the sofa.
So the art work is back on the wall where it lives happily until the Christmas tree 🎄comes out again.
This is graphite and white acrylic on paper. Drawn/painted by me c. 2011. It was a complete break from what I had been doing and came about through working through angst that had started as anxiety because of what I had drawn underneath it.
Ok, so I guess you want to know more now I wrote that!
I had drawn a tree, a Moreton Bay Fig. This particular tree is growing in the Auckland Domain. It’s been there since I was a child. Move on a few years to when I was a young mum to my daughter, then five, and my son, aged two. Friends had collected us and taken us to the Domain. I had just left my first husband and was living in a women’s refuge with my children. My friends kept asking me questions and I ended up having a very public, very loud meltdown. It was horrendous. It was school holidays or a weekend because there were many families there sitting having picnics on the grass. I remember the stares. I was extremely distraught.
And my children witnessed it.
I love trees, especially Moreton Bay Figs so I started to draw one but I was overtaken by anxiety due to aforementioned reason. I threw paint at it, drew into it and became happy with my creation. Happy enough that I can live with it on my wall and don’t think about its past until, like now, I started to write the bit under the image above. (The trees in the image above are no particular species.)
I had no plans to tell you that. It just suddenly came up.
I use to feel embarrassed, humiliated, shameful… etc but I don’t now. I now know I’m autistic and I was pushed much too far at a very stressful and vulnerable point in my life.
Anyway, I’m fine now 🌹🌻🌼❤
I thought some of you might like to take a peek at one of the gifts my lovely sister sent us from New Zealand 🇳🇿…
The text reads as follows…
Paper clip to hold it all together
Rubber band to remind you to be flexible
A smiley sticker to remind you to keep smiling
A crayon to colour your day bright and cheerful
Toothpick to help pick out the good in everything
Hearts to remind you that your friends and family love you
A penny to remind you that you are valuable
Marbles to help replace the ones you’ve lost
Fruit burst to give you energy
Tea bag when all else fails.
And it all comes packed in the little bag 🙂 ❤
On how power silences marginalised groups
Great power brings the need for great responsibility.
Online, I and so many other autistic people have been watching a rich, powerful, well-connected, well publicised author trying to silence autistic voices of dissent.
The author has written a book which outlines her son’s autistic behaviours. She describes him in ways many autistic people find humiliating, dehumanising, horrific. I don’t use such words lightly. It describes how the mum in question intends to seek a vasectomy for her son, currently aged 15, to stop him having children in future. He is at school, talks, reads, has friends. The author had described another autistic person in terms that the person found distressing. When they complained about this, they were referred to as a brat. It was a moment of revelation as to the author’s view of autistic adults.
When autistic people took to finding copies of the book (for a while available as a pdf online, since removed) – or reading copies in the library… or borrowing copies from one another – they started reviewing it online. The author didn’t like this, it seems.
The author contacted a friend of theirs on a large bookselling site and it seems asked them to censor the comments. Then apparently asked her largely-rich, powerful group of online friends to target the autistic commentators by getting the review sites to remove their comments.
Let’s think about this for a moment.
Autistic people are amongst the more impoverished on the planet. So many have no jobs, no spare income. Not so much as a spare £1. Society prevents most of us from working, such is the level of misunderstanding and hate out there.
In order to comment on whether we have a right to reproduce, and whether an author has the right to name and shame their own child in that debate and publish it…we have to now be able to afford to buy a book each, it seems. From a specific bookshop where the cheapest price seems to be £8. And review it in ways that please the author, or her mate will remove their review. £8…. That’s possibly two days of food, for an autistic person. Maybe it’s a whole weeks-worth of food.
This, my friends, is power.
The power to decide who is rich enough to review you
Thank you to The Sensitive Giraffe for pointing her followers to this blog post. For some time I’ve thought a lot of my anxiety is different but couldn’t pin point how; this post goes a long way in explaining it and I feel it is pivotal in helping me understand myself. It’s brilliant!
I’m reblogging this from Eating Off Plastic.
I never considered my anxiety being different because of Sensory Processing Disorder. But after reading this, it makes a lot of sense. I think this also helps explain why repeatedly trying to face situations doesn’t always make it easier or less stressful. In many instances, the physical symptoms keep showing up with the same intensity.
This is probably a good explanation for why I’m jolted awake by my neighbor and experience the rapid heart beat. I mean, this has been going on for months. My body still isn’t adjusting to it. It still reacts as if this is the first time.
For those who don’t experience anxiety in this way, perhaps this post will offer some insight for why saying “just keep trying” doesn’t always help.
Before you dive in, a quick note. This article was written for the STAR Institute for…
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It is not uncommon to think that everyone is, essentially, the same. Certainly there don’t seem to be any significant genetic differences among different groups, particularly those genes involving the brain. But what if there are differences not among different racial/ethnic/cultural groups but, rather, within the human species as a whole?
About 84% of the genes are expressed in the brain. Given that humans have 20,000 genes, that means about 16,800 genes are expressed in the brain.
We should not be surprised, then, if we were to find more than a bit of variation among human brains.
We should expect to see variation in degrees of creativity vs. copying, on liberalism vs. conservatism, on selfish behavior vs. altruism, introversion vs. extroversion, leadership vs. following, variations in thinking styles, degrees of mental energy, I.Q. and flexibility of I.Q., and of course any of a variety of learning…
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Yes that was me at lunch time today with Lovely Husband. It was about financial stuff so I’m not going into details. Don’t worry, we are ok. The finance stuff is about what happens if LH dies first. This is so hard for me to write as it’s a fear that crops up everyday in my mind. And, you know, people, especially Brits, don’t like talking about money.
It’s all come down to what I think must be dyscalculia – something a bit like dyslexia but with numbers instead. I’m not diagnosed but as I’ve always struggled with math and talking about figures creates great anxiety as numbers fly around and don’t settle anywhere, it probably is dyscalculia. It does help if it’s visually represented, but only a little.
I read lots of blogs written by Actually Autistics but money isn’t or doesn’t seem to be discussed. I’m not a materialistic person. As long as I have a bit to spend on creativity and in the giving to others via what I create I’m contented. So this is not about being rich or poor.
As you can probably guess LH deals with everything financial and it’s mostly computer based – another terrifying prospect… things are great as long as it’s all working smoothly. Not all Aspie’s/Autie’s are computer geniuses.
So if LH dies first the only money immediately accessible will be that in a physical ‘go to the bank’ bank account. The rest, pensions and stuff is invisible to me. The computer, the temperamental computer, and people the other side of that cloud is like a terrifying forcefield that I can’t ever penetrate. And that’s aside from the grief – ‘that’ which cannot be thought about.
Do you know, I think it’s the thing at the top of the pile that makes me feel both extremely vulnerable and disabled. LH is trying to simplify things but that takes so much time and what if the most horrendous thing was to happen tomorrow. I shall have to depend on family to sort it out for me. The thought of that makes me feel so inadequate and embarrassed.
So maybe that’s enough for the moment. Maybe voicing this much might help. Maybe other autistics reading this struggle too? It would be of some help to know I am not alone.
Snowflakes are lovely… mostly… I like real ones, and I like them knitted, crocheted, cut from folded paper, still photographs etc etc.
But… I don’t like moving
snowflakes across a screen of text.
What we do with the appearance of our blogs is really up to each author; but if I follow your blog and you have chosen to have snow falling across your page I’m not going to be able to read your posts. I know that I could read via the other way – bright white background and wide width of text – but that too is problematic for me. So please don’t take it personally, but I won’t be able to hang around long enough to ‘like’ or write a comment.
I’m interested to know if this is an issue for other people?
I hesitated in writing this but thought best to be upfront about it.
With love, Tracey xxx 💙
Postscript: the column of words above were meant to be in a different space on each line but publishing has put them into a column. I have tried editing but the words stubbornly refuse to do as they are told. Tut tut… such naughtiness.
Postscript 2: I’ve edited again because what Jasper has to say in the comments is correct. It did sound like I was apologising for myself.