Is this contempt of art I’m experiencing actually artists’ block?

Thank you to the kind commenters of my last post and to the ‘likes’ the post has attracted. I feel less alone in this isolation I have myself created. Yes, I probably will start drawing again. I guess at the moment there is no valid reason to put pencil to paper. I know you don’t have to have a reason. At the moment it feels like there is no point to drawing if there isn’t to be an audience to view it. I don’t think I can handle exhibiting anymore unless a gallery were to take me on. That’s not likely to happen because I don’t promote myself! The phrase ‘own worst enemy’ comes to mind.

I will post more artwork on here from time to time if you, dear followers, will be my audience.

 

The arty side of the spectrum

I don’t know how to refer to my art practice (and is that practice or practise? I never know), sometimes I love it, I’m in awe of it and other times (like now) it confuses me so much I can’t bear thinking about it or about other’s artwork. I don’t want to feel like this. I’m sure it has something to do with executive dysfunction but I don’t know what… yet.

I haven’t made any work since early this year. I created a few drawings that I haven’t documented yet. I will photograph them and put them in another post. Perhaps.

I have made a lovely friend here in blog land and she is encouraging me to write this post about my work. Thank you friend ūüôā

I’m hoping that in someway that writing this and putting pictures of my work up will help me move on. But move on from what? It’s such a tangled mess in my head. I haven’t exhibited my work since early 2013. Midway through that same year I got my autism diagnosis and I had a nervous breakdown, (they don’t call it that anymore).

The first batch are previous to 2013. The drawings are all completed with graphite (pencil). I do not like  using charcoal, I find the sensation of it going across paper very unpleasant. The paintings are oil.

Elder and the Tor. 50 x 40 cm

Lasgarn Wood

Mynydd Garn Clochdy. 114 x 88.5 cm

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lasgarn x 0025

Two Pears Reflect

Walking Mynydd Garn Clochdy. 78 x 17 cm

Glastonbury Tor

Early Morning. 40 cm sq

Morning Haze. 18.5 x 17 cm

The following are what a nervous breakdown feels like…

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Each work has a title but I don’t feel that’s relevant at the moment.

Thanks for dropping by xx

List of autism related books

Below I list autism spectrum disorder and related books that I’ve read thus far. I shall * the books I’ve found helpful to me as a woman diagnosed in my fifties. There are many more books yet to be read! There are some books not listed because they have been returned to their owner and I haven’t made a note of them.

This list is in no particular order.

I hope this list may be helpful to others.

*The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome¬†Tony Attwood (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2008). [Known hereafter as JKP.]

Living Sensationally: Understanding Your Senses Winnie Dunn (JKP, 2008).

* Life Behind Glass: A Personal Account of Autism Spectrum Disorder  Wendy Lawson (JKP, 1998).

A Positive Approach to Autism  Stella Waterhouse, Foreword by Donna Williams (JKP, 2000).

* Sensory Issues for Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder Diarmuid Heffernan (JKP, 2016).

*Visual CBT: Using Pictures to Help You Apply Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to Change Your Life Avy Joseph & Maggie Chapman (Capstone Publishing, 2013).

Through the Eyes of Aliens Jasmine Lee O’Neill (JKP, 1999).

*Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Asperger Syndrome: Different Sensory Experiences Different Perceptual Worlds Olga Bogdashina (JKP, 2003).

* Communication Issues in Autism and Asperger Syndrome: Do We Speak the Same Language? Olga Bogdashina (JKP, 2005).

The Autistic Spectrum: A Guide for Parents and Professionals Lorna Wing (Constable, 1996).

*Safety Skills for Asperger Women: How to Save a Perfectly Good Female Life Liane Holliday Willey (JKP, 2012).

Autism and Asperger Syndrome Ed. Uta Frith (Cambridge University Press, 1991).

Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety Disorder: A Guide to Successful Stress Management  Nick Dubin (JKP, 2009).

A Guide to Asperger Syndrome Christopher Gillberg (Cambridge University Press, 2003).

From Anxiety to Meltdown Deborah Lipsky (JKP, 2011).

* Solutions for Adults with Asperger Syndrome Juanita P. Lovett (Fair Winds Press, 2005).

Drawing Autism  Jill Mullin (Mark Batty, 2009).

*Thinking In Pictures Temple Grand In (Bloomsbury, 2006).

*Been There. Done That. Try This! An Aspie’s Guide to Life on Earth¬†Ed’s. Tony Attwood, Craig R. Evans & Anita Lesko (JKP, 2014).

The Obsessive Joy of Autism Julia Bascom, Artwork: Elou Carroll (JKP, 2015).

Making Church Accessible to All: Including Disabled People in Church Life Tony Phelps-Jones & others (The Bible Reading Fellowship, 2013).

Mindful Living with Asperger’s Syndrome¬†Chris Mitchell (JKP, 2014).

Autism and the Edges of the Known World: Sensitivities, Language and Constructed Reality Olga Bogdashina (JKP, 2010).

Autism and Spirituality: Psyche, Self and Spirit in People on the Autism Spectrum Olga Bogdashina (JKP, 2013).

* The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) Maxine Aston (JKP, 2014).

About Face Jonathon Cole (MIT Press, 1998).

*A Real Person: Life on the Outside Gunilla Garland, Trans. Joan Tate (Souvenir Press, 2003).

*Nobody Nowhere: An Extraordinary Autobiography of an Autistic Donna Williams (Times Books, 1992).

*Somebody Somewhere Donna Williams (Doubleday, 1994).

*Like Color to the Blind: Soul Searching & Soul Finding Donna Williams (Times Books, 1996).

*Autism and  Sensing: The Unlost Instinct  Donna Williams (JKP, 1998).

* Autism: An Inside Out Approach  Donna Williams (JKP, 1999).

* The Jumbled Jigsaw: An Insider’s Approach to the Treatment of Autistic Spectrum ‘Fruit Salads’¬† Donna Williams (JKP, 2006).

* Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger’s Syndrome¬†Liane Holliday Willey (JKP, 1999).

Brain zaps… ouch!

I’ve been getting electric shock sensations in my brain accompanied by an awful electrical sound. It lasts less than a second but can be so shocking that I feel the jolt all the way to my feet like when you are suddenly frightened. I’ve been looking online and it is documented. Different sites proffer differing causes. This¬†one¬†suggests it is a withdrawal symptom from a psychiatric medication. I was taking Fluoxetine for two and a half years. I weaned slowly off of it by March/April 2016. That was nigh on eighteen months ago. The zapping has been happening for about eight weeks. The thing is I’ve also noticed, in this eight week time frame, that my thought processes, the intellectualising of stuff, has improved too. That’s good. Very good! What’s bad is that depression is returning, within same said timeframe. It’s steadily, incrementally, getting worse.

And I’m just at this moment linking it all together. Is the medication still in my system? Five years on and my brain is still in recovery. How awesome.

Depression. Oh dear! What do I do now?

Postscript: I found this on Fluoxetine and how long it takes the body to eliminate it.