Me and people

This post especially expresses thoughts that touch on my own life. Thanks again Susanne for expressing your thoughts and experiences xxx

Meanwhile, in the real world...

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For as long as I can remember I’ve had people telling me I should be more like this, more like that – more confident, less shy, less anxious, more outgoing etc.etc. And so I try to be more like this and more like that and an unhealthy self-loathing emerges whenever I fell short.

To avoid hurt I did all that I could to ignore the elements of myself that didn’t fit my long held image of “Who I should be.” I pretended to be that person to the world, blagging my way through as best I could while making mental notes of every scrap of social etiquette I came across, constantly refining myself and trying to improve.

All the while I was pretending and blagging underneath it all lurked this feeling that I wasn’t good enough, words like “fake” and “pretentious” irked me like they were trying to tell me…

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Only connect

I definitely recognise this in myself! It’s an ‘app’ I’d really like to uninstall 🙂

Counting the Ways

Recently Laina posted about her Jukebox App which is firmly installed in her brain. I, too, have a Jukebox App. Sadly, I have very little control over it. Something is playing most of the time, but not because I have requested it. It gets triggered by something I read, or something I hear. Sometimes the connection is obvious, like when a song is mentioned it will play that song, or when an artist is mentioned, it will play something by that artist. Sometimes the connection is extremely tangential. The song will probably play repeatedly, starting up again and again, even hours, sometimes days, after that first trigger. Annoyingly, the Jukebox will also play songs I don’t like, and I can’t stop it from doing so. More annoyingly, it mostly only plays snatches of songs, never one song all the way through. It plays all genres of music. Often it will…

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The Life Half Lived

I’m reblogging this post by Susanne as it’s one of the posts I’ve read recently that I very much identify with. I mentioned in my previous post how I have difficulty describing my own feelings or situation and that I’ve found other bloggers on the spectrum or with sensory difficulties that write so clearly that I wish to share their posts. Thanks Susanne 🙂

Meanwhile, in the real world...

Sculpture park

What is bothering me the most right now is the feeling that so far my life has only been half lived, I haven’t lived life to the fullest, I feel like I’ve missed out on so much.

There is this dream image of life that I hold, it’s filled with interesting people doing interesting things, travelling being one of them… and I feel like I’m failing, I’m unfulfilled and frustrated and I don’t seem to be able to go for those things and make them happen.

I keep hearing that life is what you make it, and I know life is what you make it, but I don’t seem to be able to do it and I don’t know why? I just feel too timid and mouse-like. I daren’t take the risks, I get overwhelmed too easily and run away back into my cocoon, into my fantasy world.

I’m all…

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Spinning

I’m having a quiet day. I need it. I’m sitting spinning and writing blog posts in my head. I do that a lot! Trouble is i forget them later… So…

Why do i need a quiet day I hear you ask?

Yesterday Lovely Husband took me up to Clevedon to pick up the loom accessories I had ordered from the Spinning Weal shop. We thought the motorway would be ok but what should have taken an hour took two due to congestion and it was similar on the return trip. I was ready and prepared to don my headphones when I entered the store but it was so quiet (being lunch time) that I didn’t. I was fine chatting with David about yarn and guilds until suddenly there was chatter behind me as I stood at the check out. I was concentrating on paying and putting my card away and couldn’t get my headphones out. I really wanted to ask them if they would please stop chattering until my transaction had finished, but you can’t do that, can you?! It wasn’t just that though, it was mostly the lengthy journey, the stop starting etc , it messes with my sensory processing. I arrived home overwhelmed and desperately needing quiet and calm, which i got. Went to bed very tired and aware that my anxiety levels were high. But I’m unable to judge how high. I had one hour of sleep. So today is a quiet day. I’m content spinning.

This is rather a bright orange that I’m plying. I shall over dye most of it to tone it down.

I find it’s pointless worrying about not sleeping so i keep my mind busy usually by reading. Last night I searched and read blogs. That’s how I come to reblog Jasper’s blog post. I find it hard to articulate how I feel or what I think if it’s about myself. I’ve read so many wonderfully written blog posts in the last week or so about other’s experience on the autism spectrum or about someone’s life with sensory processing disorder that have touched me and I’ve thought, yes, that’s my experience too, that I am going to reblog these posts I find. Hey, it will be yet another collection! I love collections 😃

Here’s my hanks of handspun yarn hanging from the beam above my head left to finish drying.

Thanks for dropping by xx

Domino Effect

I’ve only just discovered ‘Living in God’s pocket. This is such a helpful blog post that I want to re blog it. Thanks Jasper.

Living in God's Pocket with ABI

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Domino Effect.

A break in routine should not be a big deal. Little did I expect the domino effect it would create. Given the strenuous nature of the activity I should have had some inkling.

I was the last of 85 cyclists to leave camp that morning. In hindsight I should have left later. Being the last rider did not concern me as we were scheduled to meet at the 120 km point in the century ride for a photo op. The midpoint was a milestone, an occasion not to be overlooked. It had been 3490 km since we had dipped our tires in the Pacific Ocean, with 3490 km to go before we would dip our tires in the Atlantic Ocean.

I arrived at the midpoint with a little over an hour to spare. I was a great opportunity to take in a nap… well, more to…

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Experimenting

Hi there,

Gosh, two posts in one day!

This afternoon I set the loom up using Stylecraft Special DK in plum and Stylcraft Alpaca DK in orchid. The orchid colour is a lavender pinky colour that doesn’t show up too clearly in the image above. I’ve missed warp spaces evenly across the reed and matching that by inserting spaces in the weft. I’m hoping the weave will loosen up in the spaces when it’s taken off the loom. All going well I maybe able to show you tomorrow.

I called David, co-owner of the Spinning Weal shop in Clevedon who supplied my loom, asking if he can supply a second heddle kit and two reeds… yes, I’m to collect them next week. It will mean I can do more than tabby weaving.

Bye for now xx

New device & Fibre fest!

My old tablet broke down suddenly so I’ve lost some stuff unfortunately. Thankfully Lovely Husband has bought me this shiny, new to me, reconditioned device. To celebrate I’m having a sit down moment while I let you lovely people know 🙂

Thank you to my new followers for following me 🙂 I don’t feel so alone on this bloggy journey now!

I mentioned a fibre fest…

I’ve had a frozen shoulder and as it slowly thaws I’m able to return to pursuits like spinning and weaving. There is fibre everywhere as I cannot spin and weave fast enough as I make up for lost time. I want to post some pictures but when I opened WordPress on this new device it said it had a new editor so I clicked on it and now I don’t know how to get back to the old one. I think it’s called Aztec. Apparently it’s not fully set up yet… oops. Tech stuff sends my stress levels through the stratosphere. So… I’ll try and sort things out and maybe another picture post will appear soon…hopefully 🙂

New Edit…

Here’s a couple of images. It’s taken me a while to discover how to upload them. And the save button has disappeared… ???

The yarn was spun on my trusty old Pipi Wendy which I have had for nearly 40 years. I’ve only had my 32″ Ashford rigid heddle loom for a year but I wouldn’t do without it now.

Thanks for visiting and I hope to see you again soon xxxx