I do believe I’m a ‘scanner’. This explains so much, and indeed all those things about me that have been proclaimed as faults or lack of drive…
I relate to what is written in the following blog post quite closely.
I’ve been trying to analyze my anxieties… I’ve discovered that the anxiety before an event feels quite different to that experienced afterwards. Pre-event anxiety is somehow understandable and I can cope with it. I find rescue remedy and aconite help. Post-event anxiety is more elusive in finding understanding of it and is far more difficult to control. It coexists with forms of exhaustion, overwhelmedness, sensory overload and irritability. Nothing but quiet and rest will heal it.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us Little Sparrow 🙂
This weekend was the middle one of three in a row when I have to socialise and “do things” for long periods of time. Last weekend was probably the most stressful. It involved driving 200 miles to an unknown place, meeting up with 15 people, spending all Saturday afternoon and evening with them, staying overnight in a hotel, spending the Sunday with the group as well until I could finally get away at about 3 o’clock in the afternoon. I knew all the people, and they are very nice, but still it was very stressful. I survived with only a couple of wobbles (those little crying fits that I get instead of meltdowns). Fortunately I had Monday off work to recover. I needed it!
This weekend involved only one evening event. I was kind of observing myself as I went through it, so here is what went down:
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It’s all in the past
Another new day
I choose to accept who I am.
The description that Susanne quotes in this post fits so well…
(Sorce: The description is from here. )
This is brilliant. I’m reblogging so that I can find it more easily but also as a help to others…
Autism is big and messy and confusing, and no-one really understands it. It’s difficult to make a good summary and description of autistic traits, because generally no-one can agree on what autism actually is. But even taking that into account, I’ve never read a satisfactory article or leaflet summarising and describing autistic traits. Every description I’ve ever read suffered from at least one of these problems:
- Wrongly weighted. So many descriptions of autism written by neurotypical people focus completely on social traits. Often autism is described as an entirely social thing, and any other differences are considered incidental if they’re mentioned at all.
- Vague. The “triad of impairments” is the worst offender here. It divides social traits arbitrarily into “interaction”, “communication”, and “imagination”, but there is absolutely no clear distinction between those categories. They’re meaningless and useless divisions that don’t remotely simplify the description, and so they serve no useful purpose…
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…I actually experienced what I termed ‘happy contentedness’ for the first time in many weeks. It felt nice. I felt human. I felt alive. I felt cared for.
So what’s happened?
I told you I have started taking the antidepressant, Citalopram. According to instructions I took 10 mg’s daily for a week increasing to 20 mg’s thereafter. Once over the initial side effects I was left constantly fatigued and emotionless. Constant headaches and feeling that my jaw was going to dislocate when I chewed or yawned. I felt drugged to be honest and it wasn’t pleasant. A few days ago I decided to drop down to the one 10 mg pill.
The result is much better. Yay!!! Yesterday was a good day.
Today I needed a quiet day to recuperate from having been out yesterday. I spun 🙂
But, lovely readers, the best result is that I feel hopeful. It’s so glorious to feel hope…to experience it. My once dead flat psyche is awakening.
In currently following 336 sites! I sure that number will increase. I just can’t help myself, there are so many interesting people out there. I am interested to know how many blogs my followers follow and what they think is a healthy number before it all gets too much. By too much I think I mean when you feel overwhelmed. I guess that is individual preference. Forgive me, this is more a stream of consciousness than a well thought out post. Actually, that seems to be how I write most posts.
Susie’s blog party is a great idea. It’s been done before but it’s the first time I’ve heard of or experienced one. I do regular searches through WordPress reader but the party feels quite different as it feels like socialising without the all the usual sensory upheaval. It’s certainly keeping me entertained 😃
Returning to the following of blogs… There have been a few that I’ve unfollowed for one reason or another. As an autistic person I find some blogs very uncomfortable to look at, and some that that lower my mood too far. I have to protect myself. Yesterday I read a wonderful post and wanted to share with you. I hesitated over it but unsure why. When I revisited I realised there were flickering images. The first time I was too involved in the content to worry about it but once I noticed I realised I didn’t want to inflict that on to my followers or myself.
Thank you and welcome to my eight new followers that have popped over from the party. I hope you enjoy your visits here 🙂
I’d like to thank all my followers for the sense of community I feel. Good bless you all xx