What love looks like

I’m not sure what’s going on with me at the moment. My sensory processing disorder is worsening. In my last post (Travelling) I mentioned how car travel is increasingly difficult. There are lots of other things too.

Next weekend is StitchFest down in Totnes, Devon. It’s one and a half to two hours away. I really want to go. I want to handle fibre before I buy it. I want to smell it. I want to soak up the atmosphere that such an event inspires.

I don’t know if I can actually do it… the traveling, walking in to two unknown venues, the lighting, the noise, being unexpectedly touched, flickering screens, low level spot lights…

I’ve been in tears trying to decide whether I should go, or not, or go, or not… Yes, I meant to write that twice.

What love is, dear reader, is Lovely Husband’s answer. I don’t have to decide until the day. If we get halfway there and I say I can’t go on, he’ll turn back. If I get to the door and I can’t go in, we’ll turn back. If I’m in there one minute, 5 minutes… we’ll turn back. To him I am not wasting his time, not wasting money on fuel, not wasting money on an entry fee… To Lovely Husband the important thing is that I get to try.

Author: yarnandpencil

I'm a Christian on the autistic spectrum blogging about life and my art/craft practice.

50 thoughts on “What love looks like”

  2. What a wonderful man, you’ve certainly got a good one there! I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling that way about going, I really am, but I’m so pleased at the way he’s helping you, that’s just the perfect response xxx sending hugs xxx

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    1. Thank you dear friend, and thanks so much for your encouraging and helpful words last night. I’m still dwelling on them 🙂
      I think it’s understanding myself better that makes it difficult thinking about next weekend, whereas 10 years or so ago I would have got really excited and then be totally confused by my reaction when I got there. Hopefully a balance will come with time.
      Sending hugs to you too xxxxx

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      1. I think you’re right, I think it is part of a process, you’re more self aware now and it’s out in the open, no denial or putting a brave front on things. So on the surface it feels like things are worse. At least I’ve noticed that happening with me. I’m hoping out eventually things will balance out too xxx

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  4. I’m sorry to hear it is worsening. I don’t know much about sensory disorders but I plan to read your blog and learn more. If you have some posts I could benefit from reading, please share! Thanks!

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  5. You found a keeper hehehe that’s what I call my better half…they get it and understand us…
    just take it day by day then minute by minute and see how it goes and like hubby said no matter what it’s up to you gurl…
    Hugggs n ♥
    Suzette

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      1. Thank you for sharing : )
        I can relate to the extent of social anxiety…I never had any problems getting out with others b4 …but the last few months or even a lil longer it is getting rough for sure…
        I know you didn’t say you had social anxiety or anything …I was just sharing with you…
        Hugggs n ♥

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          1. Oh I didn’t know except from your writing and that is what it sounded to me as I read it… Oh yes we must laugh at our self… life is to short not too lollol…
            aww thank you hun…yeah I had to cancel my one doctor appointment due to it and it was to soon for the appointment anyway since she couldn’t have giving me my medication till next month so it worked out…but the staff was not happy …but told them it is to early and the doc will not give me the script…not for a month b4 lol…♥♥

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  8. Not having to face something alone makes a huge difference, especially with such a “rock” like your lovely husband. I hope that you will be able to go and enjoy the fibre. I find that immersion in something you love to do can really help with anxiety but this isn’t always easy. Good luck.

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    1. Yes, I will, I am trying to be positive, especially now I don’t have to make a decision until the day. Taking part in the event will mean there will be ‘fall out’ afterward which can last for days, weeks and sometimes months. It’s an autistic thing. So my anxiety about going isn’t just a social thing. I have to weigh up the selfishness of my action of going against what I will have to forego afterwards not knowing how long the recovery time will be. It’s a really find balancing act and I’ve not mastered it yet! Thank you 🙂

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  12. How lovely that you have such an understanding husband. It must be so hard for you, having sensory processing disorder. My dear friend’s son has it too and it’s a hard thing to watch, never mind actually go through. I’m glad that you have someone who understands you so well, and that you don’t need to face it alone.

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  13. I know that Team Aspie is not partial to loud noise or bright lights but sometimes, perhaps, it might help to let rip. If it might, turn the speakers up to 11 and throw yourself around the house to this………

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  14. Hope you make it. Your husband sounds like me. M and I go out, sometimes on long journeys and when we get there he does not want to get out the car and walk. I let the dog out and off we go again. I love driving, so I enjoy it. I will have my fingers crossed you get there and have a lovely day.

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  15. An understanding husband. Can’t beat that. Had a very caring ‘ticket collector’ recently. I was wanting to attend an outdoor concert ($50 for a day pass) but my endurance is definitely not for the 2 days it was running. I might be good for a half hour and if I’m doing very well, maybe two hours. My wife mentioned to the ticket collector why I was coming later and will probably just stand by the gate for awhile to take in a bit of the music. When I arrived at the venue a few hours later, the ticket collector called me over and offered me free entry. She had the discretion to make that call and exercised that compassion. I was overwhelmed by the empathy but managed to recover enough to enjoy the music for about an hour.
    So heartwarming to meet people with heart and compassion – a quiet respite from the many decisions that need to be made.

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  16. I was at a four day retreat last weekend and made it a day and a half. I keep thinking I should be able to figure out what went wrong, but sometimes there isn’t one answer but many. I love how you give yourself grace. Grace and the unconditional love of a good man! Perfect.

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    1. What is good is that you went to the retreat. I hope you got something from the hours you were there. Our brains are continually trying to assess things aren’t they? It robs us of self acceptance but we probably think too much to find self acceptance… Lol!
      Thank you so much for your lovely comment xx

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  17. What a treasure of a husband! Not worrying about it may help make it possible for you to be able to go. I know, from the outside, that I don’t understand everything you face, but I am with you! I hope you get to savor those luscious fibers. If you don’t, I hope you have some way to get some wonderful fibers to work with. Sending you a virtual hug.

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